I have been asked more and more lately why we started Noble and why I’m so passionate about fitness and nutrition. I always say it’s because we love it and enjoy the shit out of it, but there has always been an underlying reason that I was never ready to share until now.
There are two real reasons why I’m so passionate about health. One is that my grandparents both died of cancer at a young age. I never met my grandmother and my grandfather was my only involved grandfather. He was amazing. I always think, WHAT IF. What if he ate better and exercised. What if they could have changed their outcome? What if all they had to do was exercise a little and eat healthier? We’ll never know but I’m determined to put everything in my favor (and those around me) as I age.
The second and most important reason is because of the social pressures I faced as a teenager. I had an eating disorder (or two) that I never admitted to anyone at the time (and not many people as an adult). I wanted to be thin but I also enjoyed food (still do). I was a size 8 my sophomore year of high school. I remember looking at my 16th birthday party pictures and seeing a muffin top (which means I should have been wearing a size 10). That’s when I started feeling guilty about what I ate, how much I ate, and how I looked.
I remember never wanting to eat in front of my peers. I never ate school lunch – maybe a roll on occasion. I honestly blocked a lot of this from my memory because I never really understood it. At some point, I was introduced to purging. That’s when it was bad. I knew it was wrong but I still did it. I remember the last time I purged because I almost got caught. Maybe my mom did know and decided to shout through the door to scare me, just asking if I was okay. Either way, it worked.
At one point in my junior year, I was a size zero. I was in a dark place. I decided to quit soccer that year and work instead. I basically ran a shop at the mall and worked ALL. THE. TIME. I was literally the only one working there so I would have to close the shop to get food. I would work for hours and would only eat a Naan bread. My pants were baggy and basically falling off. I remember friends commenting on how thin I had gotten. A teacher had said something about the weight loss and she said, “I hope you’re doing it a healthy way.” I remember my best friend at the time telling me that her brothers were worried about me. My thighs didn’t touch when my feet were together. That’s extreme for my body type. Fat doesn’t leave these thighs. But my goal was to be thin, nothing else mattered.
My relationship with food had to do with my emotions. If I was upset or depressed, I couldn’t eat. I was just an engine focused on distracting myself from reality. I kept busy through the rest of my junior year and finally got out of it by my senior year. I don’t remember the series of events that happened but I know I had a ton of fun with my group of friends for the rest of high school.
As an adult, I still struggled with food. I would Google how to eat as a lifter and research the “body building” style of diets. Low carb, low fat, high protein. The unfortunate reality is that people believe this crap on the Internet, myself included. For years, I ate like this. I tracked my food, I ate my protein, and I never enjoyed food. I just thought that’s how it is. Pain is beauty, as they say.
Finally, I was introduced to CrossFit. This was the beginning of a turning point in my life, for several reasons. I realized that I needed to eat more food because I was losing weight. I didn’t want to lose weight! I was trying to gain muscle. So, I added more food to my diet. I started to eat with some balance and stopped tracking. I went off how I felt and FINALLY, I saw results.
Eventually, I was introduced to flexible dieting and my world changed. I enjoy food regularly, I have abs, and I perform well all the time! I hope my story will help you realize that you can have a healthy relationship with food. There IS a way to never feel guilty about what you eat. Yes, it will still take time to reach that point, but you have to start somewhere.
If you’re not happy with your relationship with food, PLEASE find a nutrition coach that can help you gain the knowledge to live a healthier life. This is what I do for a living and it’s because of how rewarding it is to see people change both physically and mentally. I want to show everyone that dieting is a lifestyle, not a fad, not a temporary thing. It’s easy to do a 30 day fix and go back to your old eating habits. Let’s create healthy habits, with balance, and stick to them for the rest of your lives.
I would love to help anyone and everyone, especially if this story is speaking to you right now. There is an answer to this feeling and you can have a happy relationship with food. Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
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All the best in health and fitness,